They say that in high school, you'll find your friends forever. You'll start to find those kind of friends who no matter how stupid the things you do, the things you ask, or the things you need, they'll be there. They say a friend is there when you need them. But, a best friend will be there all throughout the journey, not only when you are in need. When you're sad, a friend comforts you. But, with a best friend, you'll be sad...together.
There's a great difference between a friend and a best friend. For me, a friend is someone you know. Someone you can talk to, someone who would listen, and someone who will be there when you need help. But, a best friend is your own personal diary. A best friend is someone who can stick with you no matter how frustrated they get with you. A best friend will eat your food without asking, can't stay mad at you even for a minute, and insults your whole being but you don't get hurt. You even insult him/her back. That's just how it is. But, a best friend isn't only about fun a games. A best friend is a true listener. A friend listens but, a best friend understands. There's a difference between just listening and listening & understanding. A friend will give you a shoulder to cry on, a best friend will cry with you. It's just weird trying to explain it. But, you'll just know. In high school, friendship is critical. People will leave. Even the closest person to you can give you up. Always remember, the thing about betrayal is that it never comes from you enemy. So when you find the kind of best friend who you know is a keeper, never let them go. Because these kind of friends are hard to find. They'll put you down and bring you back up. They can make you smile in an instant, and defend you even when you're in the wrong side, then scolds you afterwards. With a friend, you just make days. With a best friend, you make memories.
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This is an open letter to the boy you loved and gave your effort to but, he did not reciprocate the feeling.
From all the letters I've written, from all the effort I've given, from all the scars I've gotten, from every glance I've stolen. From every paper gone to waste, from every bit of pain I got to taste, from every second that lasted, from every paper mache I crafted. All that I did, turned into worthless, useless, meaningless piece of $#!% because even after all the time I used, that I sacrificed, all of it seemed pointless when I came to that realization. That your eyes never sparkled whenever you gain sight of me, your smile always faltered whenever you would receive a letter or a simple gift from me, your heart never skipped a beat when our skins touch even the slightest bit. You never even bothered asking me if I was fine when everyone around me notices that I'm clearly not the happiest in the bunch. You never paid attention to me, or rather to my feelings. You thought you did but, no, never. You were aware of my feelings for you and we were close. You gave me misleading signs and I thought at some point you actually felt the same but, then I realized you were sweet to everyone else. Girls fall at your feet and would think about it for weeks if you smile at them. And you chose me to be close with. You chose to talk to me, entertain me. You chose to befriend me and treat me like a friend. But, it was all just that. I was just that, a friend. I can never mean more than that to you. A best friend? yes. But, more than that? No. You just can't, right? Every day, I tell myself "Tigilan mo na yan, just stop. You know you're only going to hurt yourself." but, some days I say that you give me strength and that you make me happy. But, little did I know I was only lying to myself. And I realized all of that when I started questioning myself. "Is there something wrong with me?" "What's so wrong with me that he can't love me back?" you made me hate myself more than I already did. And it wasn't healthy. So, when the time came I gave my last effort for you. I wrote down a lot of things. I didn't write everything but, what I said was true. It was like a last hurrah. Something before I completely say goodbye, before I finally let go of my feelings and let go of you. But, I still had that little bit of hope that after reading all of that, you'll see how much I've done and gone through just for you. Even skipping lunch to save up for a gift, or spending my money just to give you Starbucks in the morning before your exams start. I look back at how much I've done just for you and you never even felt the same way. I'm not feeling any regrets, no, never. But, what I do feel right now, relief. I'm relieved that I finally realized that you will never feel the same way, that I will never pass your standards. I realized that no matter how much I give you and how hard I try, you will never love me the way I love you. But, I do want to say, thank you. Thank you for giving me happiness, at some point of that journey you did become my source of happiness. Thank you for all the little talks and jokes and banters. Thank you for all the smiles and laughter. I will miss that. I will miss the feeling that I get whenever I'm with you, the butterflies and fireworks. Thank you, even though you made me question myself, you did at some point made me feel on top of the world. You're a great person. But, my love probably just wasn't enough. I hope you soon find that girl who will love you the way you want to be loved. I just hope soon, you'll realize the chance you missed with me. And who's the person you let slip away. Anyway, good-bye. |
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