M U L I N G P A G B A N G O NSa isang araw na ako'y nagising
Ika'y wala na sa aking piling Ako'y napaupo't biglang napaisip Olats nanaman ako sa pag-ibig Tinanong ko ang aking sarili Saan ba ako nagkamali? Pagkukulang ba ay saakin? Sinong may mali sa pag-iibigan natin? Ilang gabi pa na hindi ako matutulog? Sa bawat pikit ay para bang nahuhulog Puso'y paulit-ulit na dinudurog Piraso'y abo, tila para bang sinunog Parang gusto ko nang sumuko, Isuko, lahat ng laman ng puso Kasama ng lahat ng sinabi mo Nung gabing iyon nilisan ang pusong ito Kaya ngayong gabi, paalam na Sa lahat ng ala-ala nating dalawa Muling ngingiti't babangong Magsisimula ulit ngayon Dahil pagod na akong umiyak at masaktan Narito't naghihintay sa dating daan Umalis na siya't di na ko babalikan Kapayapaan sana'y akin nang makamtan At kung bukas wala ka na sa aking tabi Ayos lang kahit pa di ka na magsabi Dahil ang sakit ay hindi narito palagi At kinabukasan, hindi na ako ang naapi
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S A N A Y A NUmalis na siya Umalis na siya't lumisan na Umalis na siya't iniwan ka Umalis na siya Umalis na siya Hindi na nag paalam pa Iniwan ka sa daan ng mag-isa Walang saysay na ang lumuha ka Umalis na siya at kinalimutan ka Iniwan ka na sa nakalipas niya Sa kinabukasan 'di ka na dadalhin pa Dahil hindi ka naman importante sakanya "Potek na buhay yan" Galit na iyong isinigaw Hinampas-hampas pa ang mga bagay sa paligid niya Inisip na baka pag sinuntok niya ang pader ay bumali pa siya Umalis na nga siya Kelan papasok sa kokote mo yan Iniwan ka na niya at sinabing "Hindi kita mahal" Paulit-ulit hanggang ma-gets mo Na wala na nga siya dito Hindi ka niya minahal ng buo Sa isang iglap iniwan ka niyang nagdurugo Kaya ito, makinig ka Kalimutan mo na din siya Dahil kinalimutan ka na din niya Ano pag rason para mag muk-mok dahil sakanya? Umalis ka na Umalis ka na sa daan na yan Sa kalsadang magpapa-isip sayo sa kanya Sa lugar kung saan iniwan ka niya Umalis ka na Umalis at kalimutan ang lahat Burahin ang sakit At tanggalin mo na siya Umalis ka na Umalis ka na at magsimula ulit Magsimula ng buhay na wala siya sa iyong piling Mag-isa pero layo sa dilim Umalis ka na "Parang 'di ko ata kaya" Akala mo lang yan, gaga Sa sarili mo naman ikaw magtiwala Umalis ka na Umalis ka na dahil kaya mo Malakas ka at makakalimutan mo din 'to Langgam lang sayo ang sakit na naririto Umalis ka na at pahiran ang luha Hugutin ang lakas at ika'y kumuha Kumuha ng lakas ng loob para bukas Dahil bukas, wala parin siya Masanay ka Sanayin mo ang sarili mo na wala na siya Masanay ka Dahil di na siya kailanman babalik pa Umalis na siya kaya Umalis ka na Masanay ka Na wala na siya P A G O DAno pa? Ano pa ang kaya niyong sabihin? Ano pa bukod sa "ang tanga mo", "di ka nag-iisip", "kahihiyan ka"? Ano pa? Ano pa? Ano pang masasakit na salita and kaya niyong ibato? Ano pang mga bibigkasin ninyo? Para iparamdam lang saakin Kung gaano ka-walang kwenta ako Ano pang paulit-ulit na insulto ang ibibigay niyo? Ano pa? Ano pa para ipakita saakin, Ipakita kung ano lang ang halaga ko Ano pa ang masasabi niyo Na magpapaalala saakin ng lahat ng kamailan ko At ano pa ang huhukayin niyo sa nakalipas ko Na idadagdag niyo sa pagkakamali ko ngayon? Ano pa? Ibahin naman natin. Ano pa ang magagawa ko Kung nasabi niyo na lahat? Ano pa ang sasabihin ko Kung hindi naman ako pakikinggan? Ano pang lakas ng loob Ang huhukayin ko Para lang humarap sa inyong lahat At sabihin na ayos lang, mga brad Ano pang luha ang ilalabas ko Kung naubos ko na Naubos na at nasaid na Sa lahat ng araw na ako'y umaray Ubos na. Wala na. Ubos na ang mga letra At ubos na ang mga salita Ubos na ang panahon Ubos na ang lahat Ubos na ang mga luha At ubos na ang saya Ubos na ang pagkakataon Para sabihin na "okay pa" Ubos na ang mga pekeng ngiti Ubos na ang mga tawang pilit Ubos na and mga "ayos pa 'ko" At ubos na din ang pasensya ko Ubos na yung lakas ko, Ubos na. Ubos na ang nais ko na mabuhay pa Sa marahas na mundong ito Dahil Diyos ko, Pagod na ako. It's not easy.
I keep asking myself. How can you let go of someone you love so much? He was home to me and he became almost my everything. I forgot the girl I was before I became all about him. But he didn't feel the same. He just toyed with my heart. I thought I could never forgive him for that, but I did. Because that's just me. I always forgive people even if what they've done have caused me so much pain. I've been hurt before by countless guys. But, this one, this one is different. This was the most painful, but at the same time it was the best. He's an amazing person and it kills me inside knowing that eventually, I'd have to let this go. It's heart shattering to see how much things have changed. We used to talk to each other everyday and watch as day turns into night and we'd just talk about so many things. And look at us now, we can barely look at each other. We used to sit so close to each other and now it's like there's an ocean separating us when in reality, you're just a few seats away. I remember how you would look deeply into my eyes as if you were in love, but now I see how you do that with every other person (or girl) you come across with. Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and just cry for days, thinking of how we were before everything started crumbling down to pieces. But I won't. I've been through so much already. I've watched myself crash down so many times, but when you broke my heart, I saw a side of me I thought I'd never see. And after a long time, I finally realized that I wasn't the only one hurting because of what happened, I was hurting a lot of people as well. I pushed people away and built barriers. It had hurt the people who love me and are there constantly trying to break those walls down and tell me that things are okay and that I am good enough. I was so blinded by my misery that I didn't see how many people are willing to go out of their way just to make me feel fine. So, after much deliberation and sleepless nights, I've figured it all out. I was going to let you go. I'm setting you free from the cage you've been in inside of me. I've kept you there thinking that you might feel at home, but didn't realize that letting you stay more is making me lose my own. I gave you everything, just to keep you warm and happy, but you weren't paying rent. There's a point in someone's life when they realize that you can't keep depositing without withdrawing because you'll end up with nothing. I am letting you go. Even if my heart still beats for you, I'll do whatever I have to in order to move on and live a life without you being my source of pain. I am tired of you being that. I missed the day when you were my happiness and I'd like to bring that back and that's why I'm letting you go. I am willing to start again with you, but as friends. I apologize that it took me so long. I guess I already knew what we were, I just didn't want to accept it because doing just that means I am accepting our fate as strangers and also that this was it. I guess I just didn't want it to be over just yet. But, as of today, I'm ready. I'm ready because I miss you so much and the only way that I could get you back in my life is by finally accepting that we can't be lovers and that it's best for us to stay just friends. But, I won't go without saying thanks. Thank you for all the countless times that you've made my heart beat falter whenever you would walk into the room or smile at me or even just look my way. Thank you for building up my confidence and exerting effort to make me feel beautiful whenever I would doubt myself. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for understanding. And just, thank you. Thank you for making me happy for a moment in my life. I don't regret anything and I sure as heck don't regret falling for a guy as sweet, gentle, and extraordinary as you. |
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