Loving him is hard. It's a challenge to be loving someone like him. He's very unpredictable and mysterious. And I am stuck between never wanting to feel that kind of pain again and "I want to feel that kind of love again". He's confusing and he plays mind games and sometimes I just don't know what to do anymore. Loving him is hard. It's heart breaking and it makes you cry. It makes you stay up late at night and it can make your head spin 'round. It's hard. Loving him is hard. It makes you feel exhausted and tired. It makes you feel like giving up sometimes. It makes you wonder if it's still worth this much trouble. It makes you think if what you give is still enough. Loving him is hard. It's tough and can get really hard on the ass, yes.
But loving him is the best thing I know. Loving someone who broke your heart a couple of times, but you can't seem to set your heart free from him, that's tough. But it makes you strong. He makes you strong. He might sometimes be very confusing, but isn't love just that? Love doesn't make sense and it doesn't have to. You love him after all that's happened and you continue to love him every single day even if he says he doesn't feel the same way. You love him and that doesn't have to make sense, to make sense. It sounds really cheesy, but it's true. Love is completely nonsensical but that's just love. And yes, loving him is hard but loving him is the best thing I know.
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NEW SEGMENT!! For many years I have asked myself the same questions after every heartbreak, "Why is love so complicated?" And "Why does it always hurt?" Countless times I have asked myself that and never got an answer. Many moments I have fallen in and out of love, no right word or sentence seem to fit to answer the same unnerving questions. It came to a point where I almost gave up on asking and just accepted the fact that the questions I ask myself don't have any answers. And I kept believing nothing else but that reason. Until a few days ago. Not too long ago, I realized that love IS supposed to be complicated and it will never be easy. Because if it was easy, then it's not worth anything. Love is supposed to make you feel challenged and once you take that challenge, love will make you realize many things. Love is filled with good days and bad, even if most days you have to struggle a bit more to have a bit of sunshine, love will make you feel like the things you do for it is actually worth something. Love is painful because loving someone means exposing yourself to the idea of pain. But pain gives you experience and with experience, you're never a loser. Love is painstakingly beautiful. It is magical. It's complex and hard to understand sometimes but, that's part of it. Love is a roller coaster ride, a gift, a fairy tale—or every cliche in the book that you can think of. The main point is, love cannot be defined by any simple word. Every person has a different word to describe love, and all I know, there will never be a definite answer. It will always change. For example; right now, what I know is, HE is STILL my definition of love. You ask me why? Why I keep loving him even when he had hurt me, even if he says doesn't feel the same way anymore. Because he made me feel what I thought was love for a moment in my life. He showed me love and I believed in that kind of love and I still believe in it. And I have moved on from what happened in the past and I no longer feel as strong for him as before, but he is still my love. Because you never just simply let go of someone who meant that much to you. And I think, being strong enough to forgive and still love someone who had broken your heart, is so much more than just a simple word called love. |
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