Why is it that every time that I feel like I'm getting so much better at forgetting about you, I get sucked back into that hole and find myself back where I started? Falling back in that endless pit of pain and sadness and memories of you. I close my eyes and pretend it's all a dream, but then I closing my eyes reminds me of how I closed them and began to ask God if this was all true the moment I found your fingers and mine together and entwined as you walk me home from that party. I remember how you hugged me and how warm it felt as I was enveloped in your arms, safe and sound, I loved it. I'm reminded of how you looked me in the eyes with your pair of deep dark brown pupils every single time and I try my best to cover my face so that you couldn't see me blushing red, and how you examined my face, staring at me, and me pretending not to notice. I remember how your words would make my heart swell up and eyes fill up with joy. I had reason to wake up everyday--as cheesy as it may sound--you were what I was living for.
And then I ask myself, "Is what I'm living for, worth dying for?" YES. Yes was always my answer. Yes, because the moment you left, I died. And kept dying everyday that I had to live without you. I died when I found out that you're now with someone else, I died when you started acting jealous for days and then like you didn't care the next. I keep dying for you every time you look me in the eyes and I keep dying whenever I talk to you and notice how everything change between the words we've spoken. And I continue to die because I thought I have fully moved on. I know I really have, but only from what happened in the past. My love for you remains strong and it gets stronger with every day. And as it grows stronger, I grow weaker and I die. I'm dying and I keep dying for the one I call my life.
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